To Learn About Romantic Feelings
by Lyaksandra
Summary: River sets out for war. A war to attain knowledge and empower herself.


It has been eight months, six days, twenty-one hours, and forty-two minutes since Miranda.

The passageways of Serenity barely register the steps of the predator that stalks her shadowy corridors. A creature unlike any other, who once setting eyes on prey, will never let go; silent, agile, cunning, and with strength the naked eye cannot see.

Like all predators, more than simply weapons make it dangerous.

River Tam has looks and finesse to match Inara Serra. Childlike innocence like Kaylee Frye. Perseverance to go against Malcolm Reynolds. The aim to best Zoe Washburn in a shooting gallery. Humor and imagination to humble Hoban Washburn. The raw power to meet against Jayne Cobb and not falter. A brain –alas torn by the academy- to outsmart her brother, Simon Tam. Culminating all of that, the compassion and faith in others, of preacher-man Derrial Book.

Indeed, River Tam is a creature to love, and fear.

This day though, her family should be behind trenches, for there is much to fear when their thoughts take her sleep away.

They go about their bed rituals without care, flaunting wants and needs that would make the occasional passerby blush. How can they fail to grasp what it can do to a reader? They love her, and she loves them, but tonight they will pay by lending their bodies to science. Her science.

Since Miranda, the girl has more time for her own thoughts. Unfortunately, without the wasted space from other's memories, her mind can loiter. She has become more perceptive to things irrelevant before. Like bubbly feelings when engaging in osculation. Something she has never done. Her childhood taken by her parents, her adolescence by the academy.

The girl comes around the corner, and her eyes are filled with the sight of the room she used to fear, but now just tugs her belly. The infirmary. Light that makes everything colder. Light that burned her eyes for years. Her first target will be here, if not now, soon enough. She will start closest to home, known territory, before exploring farther. This person is after all the only warmth she knew for a long time.

Simon Tam does not disappoint, he is a creature of habit. Cleaning, organizing, he stands in the room focused and unaware. Perfect prey.

With calculated movements that flow one after another like her namesake, River moves to stand right behind the doctor. She knows how to trick him; events will unfold as predicted with a ninety-two percent chance of success. It will be fast, precise and efficient. She will have her test sample in less than three seconds.

When River speaks his name, he turns, and the surprise of seeing her just inches from him nullifies the immediate reaction. Simon is easy to trick, easy to scare, like a child. He is too honest for his own good. The next instant, the girl has her lips pressed against his. An out of control swarm of bees, feelings flying chaotically back and forth. Focusing, River quickly picks around the swarm taking what she needs. Her brother is back from the blackout and ready to shove her away. His arms fly uselessly forward, and her name dies in his throat.

The girl is already pirouetting far from him. Standing a pair of meters away, her face fills with mischief, and she laughs showing her teeth. Just a child caught after stealing candy. River covers her mouth with one hand, curtseys, and disappears into the corridor. It is over, and the time for analysis is right now. Between targets. The next one will be taken right away, unsuspecting, before enemies exchange intelligence. Blitzkrieg, it was called in earth-that-was.

_Surprise_.

_Sister_.

_Protection_.

_Loyalty_.

_Worry_.

A satisfactory sample, but holding nothing she does not already know. Simon loves his little sister very much, familial bond is nice to bask into, but not what River is searching. Without the barrier of family, perhaps. Another time, another place. Perhaps. Shaking her head, she makes way for the cargo-bay.

Sweat stings her nose. Not bad _days without shower_ sweat. Different. This is the smell of rawness, a byproduct of power. Her brother smells like men must. Jayne smells like men should.

Once at the dwelling of her next prey, stealth is unrequired. He is someone to be faced with blunt, a man who only yields in the face of greater might. His mind more prepared than the doctor's, stronger. Not enough though. Still easy to outmaneuver, as anger can be easily turned into passion.

She leaps over the safety railing and hangs up there with one hand. At the mention of his name, he stops his bench-pressing putting the bar to rest, following with surprised eyes. _Hook line and sinker_. River cannot help but smile, lopsided, mischievous. It only makes the ape-man's eyes widen even more.

Dropping to the cargo-bay floor loudly, taunts start flying. Words proven and words expected to work. The girl raises her voice to remind him of his woman name, and invites to hope and confrontation by reminding him that there are no serving trays in the vicinity. A wink of the eye, a mocking laughter, and the success rate of ninety-four percent proves perfectly accurate. Jayne is fast on his feet, too fast for a human of such mass.

He lunges forward in anger, and she is prepared. She was prepared days ago when she planned her attacks down to the most minuscule of details.

Jayne knows how to fight, even if blinded by anger. A body so trained works by reflex, muscle memory. The opener is –as predicted- a quick jab to the face. River knows the strength behind this punch. Massive, but not devastating, even for someone of her mass, so she takes it head on. Lets it connect with the side of her face while allowing her body to be displaced back, for damage reduction. No need for a broken nose or missing teeth. By tomorrow, she will have a bruise to show, but it should be worth it.

The feeling of flesh on his knuckles tells Jayne Cobb the target is open for follow-up. River knows this, knows what that follow-up will be. She planned for it, and if something changes, is able to read it right there. An open diagonal hook, backed by torso and leg twist, straight to the jaw. Lucky men have found darkness at the end of this punch. Unluckier men have found themselves with a broken jaw afterwards. They did not know any better though.

River knows that receiving this punch from the ape-man is like being hit with a rock tied at the end of a stick. It is not happening though, she knows exactly where the stick breaks, neutralizing it completely. Making it look easier than it is, she instantly invades Jayne's personal space. A cross punch to the offending arm's elbow joint, and the unstoppable force is no more. Following with a palm to his ear, the mercenary becomes disoriented, and stumbles for a moment. It would never be enough for anyone to catch him from the back, but River Tam is not anyone, and before he recovers, she is kicking his legs joints.

Falling to his knees, Jayne lets out a grunt and Chinese profanity. The girl is quick to reach him, embracing from behind. She closes in on his ear producing a feral hiss, and starts running her nails through his bare chest. Warm breath eliciting a small tingle that shakes Jayne's body ever so slightly. Small nibbles at his earlobe followed by licks and bites on his jawline, tantalizing, promising.

Knowing that she has to act while the surprise lasts, or she will be taken, River forcefully turns the mercenary's head towards her. She goes in for the kill, but this time there is a lot more to process. Mentally, and physically. This sample cannot be taken in less than three seconds. Parting her lips to invite his demanding tongue inside, she starts filtering the thoughts flying around. River revels in the new variety of physical contact for a couple of heartbeats more, and breaks it when his hands shoot up to capture her.

With him, there is no point in curtseys, and no compelling for laughter. To surprise and silence the man with a woman's name, turn the events completely upside down in his head. Calling him an animal, cursing and threatening in Chinese, River stomps upstairs. She tosses the airlock in the mix for good measure, and disappears through the door in pretend huff.

The girl is ready for her next target, and runs through her findings quickly. The last man will be the toughest yet. Strong walls, near zero weaknesses in this situation, flirting with Inara is responsible for that.

_Gorram_.

_Sneaky._

_Thief_.

_Anger_.

_Hunger_.

_Nethers_.

_Domination_.

River finds herself quite surprised by Jayne. He sees her as a woman worth lusting for. Too bad he sees the woman more than he sees _River_. A great sample, a great learning experience, but still not a solution. French style osculum produces quite the enjoyable spur of emotion in both participants. She makes a note to be the invading party in the future.

Simon was a Rabbit, Jayne a wolf. Her next prey is the apex predator in the ship, and not a creature of nature at that. Its lair full of treasure, guarded by venomous remarks and barked orders. Fire spitting monstrosity, ever angry, ever guarded in the heart. Malcolm Reynolds, the dragon. River Tam recognizes a challenge when she sees one, small as it may be. It will be her way in the end. Though creature of might, even the dragon cannot stand against she, who cannot be stopped by any power in the Verse.

Rubbing eyes, hitting throat for soreness, recalling melancholic memories, and the ruse is ready. Her eidetic memory takes her to times of tears, and they freely flow today as they did before.

The door to his lair is closed, but she is trusted. He bestowed the power of access upon her once upon a time, and what better moment than this. Truly a situation in the character of emergency.

Graceful fingers dance on the keypad, and the door gives. The next moment she is already inside letting out a loud sob to be noticed. For all his draconian demeanor, the captain will always be the first to jump in when it's his estimation that the crew may be in harm's way. Kaylee and River enjoy most of that privilege, and of course exploit whenever possible.

He is quick to approach her, worry spilling all over the room and marring his face. Perhaps she overdid it, overkill; but the equation has to be justified and the outcome may be altered if initial factors change. The girl will have to work with this.

River jumps into his arms at the beckon of her Serenity name, Albatross. He carries her over the bed and sets her down delicately. It has been a long time since she was treated like a dandelion seed-head. _Taraxacum officinale_ that might disappear with the lightest breeze.

Kneeling beside the bed on the floor, he starts caressing her hair. The motion seems to fight in order to untangle her wavy tresses, and it is an exercise in futility. She enjoys it thoroughly, but the motions of the plan must continue, before the others sound the alert. With her hand, the girl invites his into her face. A more intimate caress, skin to skin, sharing body warmth. There is a spark in his mind, he flinches, but it does not show, not outside. River basks in the warmth just a little more, and then requests to be hugged.

The captain is of course reluctant to comply, he does not let people in. Not even those who have been there from the beginning. But the girl knows just the trick. Doe eyes brimming with tears and a longing look, lips puckered in a tender pout. Brown almond-shaped eyes and pink, soft, glossy lips. _No power in the Verse_...

Crumbling, tumbling, littering battlegrounds, the walls of the dragon's castle fall. Mal hugs her lightly, as if she did not annihilate a Reaver horde on her own just months ago. The window opens, and the girl takes the opportunity to commence the attack.

Her hand raises and starts caressing his stubble. Soon follows her other hand to stroke gently at the hair on his nape. And this is the slippery ground, where she stands now. The next move will decide the outcome of the whole sample, and thrill shoots up River's spine. Shivering –expertly concealing her emotions too- she slowly moves up. When leveled with his face, the girl moves in to taste what took the companion many months to have.

There is no need to refrain now, and as they part and she is lost in the chaos of his mind, she giggles. No control, no restrain. It will shut him up, even though River knows he is not one to share this kind of thing. Prancing to the ladder, she does not attempt to control the bubbles in her chest, and still laughing she disappears through the cabin door. Into the darkness for the rest of the day, nowhere to be found now that she is done. No need for confrontations, no point in discussions. They will cool down well enough on their own.

River has leisure on her side to go through her latest sample. Small giggles escape her mouth while she spies on the chaos left in her wake. Serenity's corridors splattered with all manner of colors that trickle down and liven up her head. This action will extend consequences for quite some time, nothing some moonbraining cannot deflect.

_Surprise_.

_Daughter_.

_Protection_.

_Worry_.

_The special hell_.

_Disconcert_.

_Inara_.

Malcolm Reynolds is more honest than he tries to appear. People just have to know how to look at it. An anagram. The girl's mind can see the word clearly, but others are lost in the puzzle. All of the information she already knew or inferred, the sample is just as good as any other, but it does not put her any closer to the answer. River steels herself to resist the assault of disappointment, a darkness that sways, tempts, lures her into the red of blood. Anger. Frustration. For a moment, there is no escape, no light in the night, but it disappears when she remembers there is another side to all coins. Every tale a person tells, has two versions, and she knows the perfect one for the task. Inara Serra.

Time for plan B.

Leaving the security of her hiding spot within Serenity's many nooks and crannies, River starts plotting how to outflank the companion's oath, never to let the captain's crew in for business. This is not business though, and perhaps Inara can look at it as an opportunity for the ritual of _passing down female wisdom_.

The predator stalks once again. Silent, deadly, gracious. She moves from shadow to shadow, scarce as they are, hearing and reading for any incomers. There are two hunters in the prowl, after her. For revenge. For reassurance.

Jayne Cobb and Simon Tam respectively.

River knows they mean business, each in their own way, but is in no mood for compromising. Her brother is not trained, and nervous as he is now, very easy to escape from. The ape-man is another story, but he is angry.

Huffing and puffing blind the big bad wolf from the truth that lies just above him. On the roof of the very corridor he stands, a smiling girl shows her rosy tongue at him in mockery.

The mercenary is better than this though, and for a moment River fears he will catch her scent. He is a tracker born for the hunt.

While Jayne looks around, seemingly pondering on a finding, the girl finds herself excited. A small tremble in her leg threatens to make her fall, her mouth fills with saliva, and for a moment, she wishes to be found. Fight Jayne Cobb again, knives this time. The danger, the reflex calculations, the sheer thrill, keeps her mind away from everything. A reprieve. The angry version of dance. Kick, parry, punch, deflect, one stands one falls, and it is over.

It does not happen though. He is moving on, she remains unseen. It is time to conclude the experiment.

Swiftly, she darts after landing noiselessly on the grating. In seconds, she is at the shuttle, and with unheard tiptoes immediately inside.

Inara Serra is there. She knew, the companion glows in the middle of Serenity's chaos, a beacon of equilibrium in most times. River is correct, she has but to ask, and the woman complies. Smiling with unneeded gentleness, dripping understanding and tenderness.

They come close, somehow meeting midway, their lips gracing mutually. Inara feels responsible for the lesson. River, trained for murder, the companion for sensuality, and she takes upon herself to raise the stakes. A quick tug from the girl's hair, and a little force on her part, their lips crushed in the middle. This is her cue, River knows, and does not hesitate in going in first just as she promised herself. Tongue peeking just a bit, passage granted almost immediately, and the sensation overwhelms the girl. Being inside another, physically, a manner of domination.

River is lost, devouring the woman in her arms. Mentally and physically. The act of osculation was completely new to her, until minutes ago. Receiving French variety a world of surprise. Giving it is a lightning coursing through her spine, running through every limb, escaping through every finger and toe. The girl drowns in the torrent of new emotion for a moment, before they break, in a seeming mutual accord. Companions are apparently trained in telepathy. An interesting theory to explore in the future.

A hug, a thankful smile, and River is on her feet ready to leave, and retire for the day. It has been an exhausting, bountiful endeavor, even if the results do not meet initial expectations. Inara is overly understanding, and when she sees the girl falter slightly on her feet, even offers her bed for resting. River has to refuse. The shuttle as sacred territory as it may be, is still too public, and she may be found before the fires die. There is a place within Serenity –where she escaped from the preacher's assassin hair- and she can go there to rest. It is close and even has a pillow now.

With promises of fluffiness under her head, she scurries into the hiding spot, and before sleep claims her, she reminisces on the last test. Organizing her thoughts to make the most sense of them. The fallback plan, in the end brought her a tidal wave of knowledge.

_Tenderness_.

_Moisture_.

_Curiosity_.

_Happiness_.

_Understanding_.

_Protection_.

It is what it is. No underlying layers or turnabouts. When Inara Serra kisses outside of love, she simply kisses, reveling in the act and the sensations it delivers. Sensuality. Raw, pure feeling. The core at River's research, but not the answer, yet there is no frustration or anger anymore. Expectations were too high; the research has yielded very satisfactory data anyway.

The reader slips into slumber, still a little uneasy, but not enough to resist fatigue.

In following days, she makes a point to look stoic and lost. Her eyes focusing in that thing faraway that no one else can see. Absolutely avoiding being left alone with any one specimen of the experiment.

With the passing of some days, the burst of feelings starts to ebb. River can finally relax some, and sleep in her bunk without worry.

Perhaps after some nights of good REM sleep, an answer will form.

.

.

.

A week after the _experiment_ River finds the answer.

In the middle of the night, sleeping with dreams now more her own than borrowed. A dam suddenly breaks, an epiphany inundating her mind with warm feelings, and shortly afterwards, the cold realization of shortcomings. It soon becomes a storm of anger and giggles. Storms are always born like this, from opposites.

How did she miss seeing something so big standing right in front of her eyes?

The girl thought she had to experience feelings personally to grasp reality and gain a sense of normalcy. Such was not the case, now she knows. She acknowledges that the Verse holds two great truths, and they belong to her now.

What the brain sees, weaves the threads of reality.

The girl is not normal.

_Normal _is but fallacy anyways. The members of her family, abysmally different to one another. Strange in their own way, utterly different to those outside Serenity.

Perhaps the girl is still the strangest of the lot, and in a world of abnormal people, she stands taller. No qualms about it. Not anymore.

A plan, something not involving a metamorphosis into something she is not, turning the girl into more of a travesty. The academy has taken care of that, more than sufficiently.

It was the unintended variable, Inara. She held the truth all along, and for someone like River there is no need to wait for a prince. Shining armor, white horse, none of that. No time and no need.

She will capture her family's drifting feelings like many times before. Learn to peel them like fruit, left only with the meaty core. The raw essence of what is, without who or why. In these, she shall feast.

River accepts herself, and there is oneness.

Sleep comes back easily when the nightmares dare not hold her gaze. The girl is stronger, and her eyes ablaze with fiery life.

-END-


End file.
